Initial response, I’m a sprinter. But often it takes me a marathon to get started. Maybe, I just have a sprint finish?
Reflecting on how I approach things, both personally and professionally, is helping me understand more about myself. It’s never troubled me. I’ve not worried about it. I just get on and do things.
As I aim to lead a more fulfilled life, I want to learn more about myself. This is about making me a better person. Selfishly, for no-one other than myself. When I write, I sometimes find it tough. Sometimes free-flowing. But each time, I’m trying to be honest to myself.
Getting to the start line
I admit, I’m bit of a procrastinator. Positively, it means that I tend to only do things I’m totally sure of. It enables me to analyse or evaluate things. However, procrastinating means I am a gold medallist at finding any excuse not to start something.
Why? Reasons are numerous, but I’ll focus on two.
- Self-awareness. I’m overly sensitive to what people think of me and how I do things. My introvert tendencies and self-awareness are linked. I just feel as though everyone is watching and judging me. Ok. so I appreciate I am now putting myself very publicly on the rostrum, but I feel this is part of understanding me and my journey.
- Fear. Simply I fear failure. In reality, it’s about not delivering expectations. Having been told that ‘I must do better’ throughout school and work, I have in my mind that no matter what I do, it will never meet expectations. I realise this is self-destruction and the only expectations are my own. I am learning to lower my personal expectations, without lowering my values or principles.
However, when I get to the start line. It’s a sprint.
Sprinting is my default position. Usually everything has to be done now. Today. Once I start, I don’t stop until it’s finished – or at least almost finished. I’m not a committed completer/finisher.
Simple things like once I’ve started cutting the hedge, I have to finish it. Everything else needs to be postponed until it’s done. Nothing is greater priority than the job in hand.
As I reflect, I question whether this is about my patience. I don’t believe so. I am very patient. I believe it is more about wanting to get the job done. If it’s important enough for me to have started, then it’s important enough to finish.
I also know that when I start a sprint, I lose sight of the direction I’m going. I get to the point of more doing than thinking. And I need to learn how to slow myself down to ensure I stay focused on the task in hand.
I have though, started a marathon. My circumstances of moving to a different country prevent me from sprinting. Although with the withdrawal agreement fast approaching, a sprint would be the preferred option.
However, I am taking this marathon a few steps at a time. Planning and doing the right thing is more important than how fast I get there. There are times when the pace picks up and progress is made quickly, but with this journey, it is going to take time.
Selling the house is a marathon on its own. There was a sprint at the beginning with a flurry of agents, contracts, photos and viewings. The pace slowed to ensure the legal aspects are correct, the due diligence completed and the questions answered. No doubt, we’re just about to have a sprint finish.
Preparation is already underway for the next phase of the marathon. And I’m approaching it as a exactly that – a marathon. I know, despite my nature to sprint, it’s going to take time. This time, it’s about getting it right.
Back to the training
Training at the moment consists of packing boxes and closure of the house sale. Before the end of the year, I hope this first stage will come to a close and I’ve already plans for the next phase of training.
Here’s hoping for news this week as to the timescale for the house sale which will give a defined date to focus on.
Have a great day. Ter um grande dia.
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